I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
