The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
