She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I didn't notice because vodka
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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