I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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