just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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