Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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