My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
