sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
