is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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