so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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