So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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