Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
