her vagine was all disorganized.
Buhtt sex?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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