no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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