It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Girls should come with a carfax report
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
