I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
