I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
