Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
