i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
