If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
