Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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