I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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