you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
