I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
