A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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