dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
