did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
