You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
