someone threw a dead crab at me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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