you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
