He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
