omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Randomize
