Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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