Do you still have your period?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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