Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
