You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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