I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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