I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
