tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
