she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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