If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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