i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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