So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
porn star boner night. come get it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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