Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
