god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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