rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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