My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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