Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
