...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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