We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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