im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
