the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
