i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize