Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
