I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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