paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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