After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
