Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
