why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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