Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
party gras won. party gras always wins.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
