im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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