im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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