spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
