Im at strip club and am horny
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
