dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You can't motorboat a personality
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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