I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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