I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
