put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
