who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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