sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
