I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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