I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
