He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
