I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
