At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
