I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
