dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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